Stressful events can evoke lots of unpleasant emotions and that can leave us in a vulnerable space.

Most people have very little understanding of how to work constructively with the thoughts and emotions that arise in response to these events. And because of that they may look for a means of escape.

We may fight or resist circumstances in an attempt to have some measure of control over what's happening in our lives. And it's important that we take whatever steps we can to better our situation. But there are those times when we’ve done all we could and circumstances are beyond our control.

In March of 2004 I started seeing someone. At first she really liked me and things seemed to be going very well, but then she started giving me very mixed signal. After a few weeks she called and said she wanted no further contact with me because my feelings for her were stronger than what she felt for me, and that she was uncomfortable with that. I found her actions very hurtful and it left me in a really hellish emotional space.

I feel that these kinds of experiences are windows of opportunity because they enable us access parts of ourselves that need to be healed, that we may not be able to access at other times. I often ask myself "What can I do to work constructively with this situation and my responses to it?"

Initially I was trying to make sense of what was happening. There wasn’t much I could do to change the situation. I started breathing into the emotions. At times I would do this for hours. I did much of this sitting up or lying down. And then I would go out and walk as I breathed through the feelings when all the thoughts and emotions started to become overwhelming. The breathing has a stabilizing influence that helps to soften and diffuse the emotions.

In many ways I was still feeling stuck with all these painful emotions. Much of the pain was being held in my body. I had a friend of mine give me two deep tissue massages. All kinds of confused, angry and painful feelings would surface the day after the massages. But then the fog of emotion would begin to clear and I would begin to feel lighter and freer.

Shortly after that I was looking for something in my bathroom cabinet and came across a remedy that a homeopathic physician made for me a few years ago. Each time I took the remedy I felt as if a depth charge had been set off in the middle of my chest. That helped me to access many other emotions pertaining to this issue that I had carried in my body over the years.

I have dealt with some of these issues for much of my life. I've made progress, yet I still have a ways to go. We all have blind spots or places that we are not able to access on our own. Because of that we sometimes need the assistance of other healers.

I was spending some time up in Boston while all this was occurring. The friend that I stay with told me about another healer that he's worked with who was in town at that time. I took advantage of the opportunity to have two sessions with him.

At periodic intervals I go out on vision quests where I fast alone for four days and nights without food or water. Both the healing sessions and the vision quests have facilitated profound change. Many of the emotional dynamics that were hardwired into my body and mind that left me so vulnerable began to change. It's like being reformatted. And that's made it a lot easier for me to handle what ever is happening in my life. It's also made me a lot stronger and I've grown much more resilient emotionally. I tend to bounce back from things much quicker. As the healing has progressed, I've been attracting healthier relationships, with people who are more real and down to earth. People that are not so healthy tend to get spun out of my life fairly quickly.