Stop Complaining You can find lots of things to complain about if you’re living in New York. It’s often noisy and crowded. The subways, which many of us depend on, often don’t work that well. And excessive greed drives the rent higher and higher. People in New York can be very guarded, which can make it really difficult to connect with people. Some of the situations I’m faced with can be very stressful. And I fell into a habit of venting my frustrations over what wasn’t working till I realized that venting was a very limiting and potentially self-destructive pattern that was holding me back. There are times when we need to open up and let our feelings out. Occasionally we need someone to hear us and to validate our feelings. It becomes problematic when we fall into a rut and continually recycle the same thoughts, feelings and issues. Venting, complaining and whining create a very heavy negative energy. Complaining becomes a counterproductive pattern. That’s because it prohibits us from processing the thoughts and emotions that arise in response to what’s happening in our lives. The negativity expands as we generate more and more of the same kinds of unpleasant feelings. We then internalize all this negativity and that causes our bodies to become toxic. Our minds start to jam up and that shuts down much of our creativity. And that can leave us trapped in a cycle of negativity. Some of our complaining arises out of the hunger of unfulfilled needs. It’s an attempt to feed the parts of us that are hungry when we are unable to fulfill our personal needs. And so we suck other people’s energy as we feed off of their sympathy. Venting keeps us either stuck in our heads or locked into a very superficial level of reactive feeling. That leaves us disconnected from the deeper underlying feelings that we experience in response to what is happening in our lives. The negativity generated by complaining drags down everyone around you. Complaining is a form of resistance to life, that disempowers you by keeping you trapped in the victim mode. You can never step into your power as long as you complain. And it takes a real conscientious effort to break free of the pattern. I’ve learning to stop the venting process as soon as I become aware of what’s happening. I usually ask myself..."What’s the deeper feeling behind all of this?" I begin to breathe softly and deeply as I focus my attention within the underlying feelings. The feelings can vary extensively. Sometimes you may experience feelings of frustration, anger or a sense of violation. At other times you may access underlying feelings of fear, insecurity or vulnerability. Breathing into the feelings activates the generative healing processes of your body and mind. You begin to digest the conflicted thoughts and feelings and that alleviates much of the stress. Your mind will become more flexible. You will experience greater sense of calm and ease that will allow flow with life. And you will find yourself becoming more resourceful as your mind is better able to provide creative solutions to the challenges that you encounter from one day to the next.
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