Opening To the Fullness of Life

Children are usually highly sensitive and they often find it very painful when their needs are not recognized or validated. They often shut down emotionally to cope with the pain they experience when their attempts to satisfy their needs are continually thwarted, ignored or punished.

Those who shut down their feelings as children in response to mentally and emotionally abusive parents may experience a very limited awareness of their feelings or emotions. The lack of affect causes some people to come across as being very dull as if they are lacking in personality. They may experience a sense of emptiness and alienation within. That may also be accompanied by a lack of drive or initiative which causes them to feel powerless to effect any real change in their lives. They may become cynical as result.

Feelings are an essential function of our consciousness. They inform us of how things are affecting us. Our feelings help us to understand our needs and show us what we need to avoid. Our internal emotional processes facilitate change by allowing us to adapt to life’s ever changing circumstances. Shutting down our feelings deprives us from the fullness of our experiences. Our inability to experience and integrate our primary emotional responses leaves us detached from the physical world. That may prevent us from experiencing the kind of satisfaction of our needs that comes from being fully engaged in life.

It’s through our feeling senses that we come into contact with our bodies and the world in which we live. Our emotions create a bridge between our outer world and inner experience. Denying or shutting feeling down prohibits us from fully integrating our experiences. These parts of us can not go through the reorganization that is necessary for us to adapt to life and that will either restrict or stop our growth.

Suppressed thoughts and feelings accumulate within us over time. Our bodies become saturated with the residue of all these accumulated stresses and that diminishes the functions of all the organs and systems of our body. We’re pushing our thoughts and feelings outside of our conscious awareness when ever we suppress emotion. These internalized conflicts then operate from our subconscious mind.

The parts of our awareness held within the subconscious operate from different areas within the brain. The defensive mechanisms that develop within us make it difficult for us to consciously access these parts of our brain-mind. The result is a narrowing of our intellectual capacity. That can have an adverse effect on both one’s ability to learn and retain new information.

Our emotions get our attention by alerting us to the importance of matters. Our feelings provide a valuable source of information that helps us to connect to and understand our needs. They also create the underlying motivation that helps us to attain our goals.

We disconnect from parts of our selves when ever we shut down our feelings. That creates distortions in our consciousness. These parts of our consciousness become constricted and eventually go into a deadened state. The deadening that takes place within our consciousness decreases our self awareness which then causes us to lose touch with our needs. It squelches the innate drive that moves us towards self-actualization. It also shuts off our capacity to experience pleasure.

Suppressing emotions causes the body to become tight and armored. That accounts for much of the muscular tension that we experience in our bodies. Some experience tightness in their chest. Others may experience abdominal pain or hold tension in the jaw that causes them to grind their teeth as they sleep.

I find it more challenging to work with people who are shut down emotionally. Their bodies tend to be more armored and deadened. They tend to be less malleable and that’s why it can take so much longer to facilitate significant growth and change. They usually don’t feel as much taking place during the healing sessions and they are less likely to be cognizant of the changes that do take place.

Disconnecting from feeling creates a schism between the body and mind. People who are shut down emotionally are more likely to live in their heads. They tend to conceptualize their issues and sometimes get lost in an endless world of their own abstractions. They can talk in circles indefinitely. You sometimes feel the life being sucked out of you as they drone on and on in an endless monologue.

It’s critical to get them out of their head so they can connect with their feelings. I keep interrupting their monologues saying something to the effect "…those are thoughts, now what’s the feeling behind those thoughts? …where are those feelings located in your body? …now get in the middle of those feelings …what does it feel like being inside of those feelings?"

It can take a real concerted effort to connect these individuals with their feelings. Some people find their emotions too threatening and they refuse to go into feelings. But others gradually begin to open up and learn to work constructively with their feelings.

It’s amazing to see the changes that take place as these individuals become more connected to their bodies and feelings. They become more malleable as their bodies soften and their minds become more open and flexible. Their range of thought and feeling expands markedly. They usually start moving forward and experiencing all kinds of positive changes in their lives.

People who have difficulty accessing their emotions may initially find it easier to access their physical sensations. Check in from time to time through out the day and notice how you feel in your body. Pay attention to any sensations that are present. Breathe into any tension or other feelings of discomfort that you experience. Does your body feel open and relaxed or are you feeling tense and contracted? Make any necessary adjustments by changing your posture so that you feel more open and present to your surroundings.

Many of us have a tendency to breathe very shallow and high in our chest. But that reinforces our tendency to hold things in and shut down. Inhale by fully expanding your lungs completely and then just release the breath by allowing yourself to gently exhale.

All of us shut down our feelings at times, and there are situations where it’s better to contain our emotions. Anger can put people on the defensive which makes them less receptive to us and what ever message we are attempting to communicate.

That’s why it’s sometimes necessary to experiment or try out different approaches till we find an appropriate way of expressing our feelings and needs.