Loving Yourself

Indigenous peoples can be very loving and nurturing. They just have very different sensibilities about them. I had never heard of the concept of self love for all the years that I had lived among the Native American Tribes. And no one really talks about self love in the various Asian countries that I spend time in.

I would have been content to live within the Native American communities for the rest of my life. I left because the alcoholism was getting more and more out of control. And the people were losing all the amazing gifts and healing powers as the elder generations were dying out.

I went through total culture shock as I tried to reintegrate back into mainstream society. Much of it felt so foreign to me. I encountered all these people within the new age and self help communities who had somehow achieved a high level of spiritual attainment after a few years or months of workshops, books and attitude adjustment. Many of the people I encountered were talking about self love. And I thought that maybe there was something I needed to learn.

I encountered people here and there who felt as if they were connected something greater and had a very genuine loving presence about them. And at other times I felt really disconcerting undertones from people who were covering up a lot of issues. The love seemed to have a syrupy quality, and then I could feel all kinds of other emotions leaking out underneath. It took me sometime to realize that much of the lovingness was a façade.

I began to see and feel what was happening in people’s physical and subtle bodies after some time. And I could feel all the unresolved issues and emotions that people were stuffing down in their bodies. People tend to hold many of their and emotions in the abdominal-pelvic region of their bodies. Unresolved issues and emotions may eventually manifest as some form of physical pathology. The abdomen begins to feel very dense and toxic. It may also become distended. And many people start having difficulty with their digestion.

I would ask people about the accumulation of emotional and physical toxin that I saw in their body. People sometimes told me that they felt as if the abdomen were not really a part of their body and that the feelings and emotions didn’t feel like they really belong to them. Others told me about how they would send love and light to these parts of their body. That appeared to have little if any effect. All the issues, emotions and physical toxicity remained encapsulated within the body.

I went through some very difficult periods of depression in which I felt overwhelmed by all the issues and emotions that were surfacing. I could have done like so many others and pushed it all down inside of me. But I had this instinctual sense that I needed to go down into the middle of the emotions.

I felt tremendous shame about the kinds of feelings and images that were surfacing. Some people wound not find them socially acceptable. I didn’t know anyone else who was doing anything like this, and I sometimes wondered if there was something wrong with me for feeling this way. I did the best I could to be as present as possible with any thoughts, feelings or images that surfaced. The pain was really excruciating. There were times when I felt consumed by the pain, but I just kept breathing into anything that came up.

Something amazing happened as I continued to breathe into all those feelings. The pain somehow broke open and I could feel it coming out of my body in waves. Difficult feelings and emotions would usually dissipate as I continued to breathe into them. I could then feel emanations of warmth and a sense of calm flowing from within. I began to feel a greater strength within as I continued to work with this practice.

I’ve worked with this process many times over the years now. Harsh critical judgments continue to lose their power. I began to understand why I felt the way I did. I began to feel a deeper sense of love, acceptance and appreciation for myself. I felt so much more comfortable with myself. I can accept my mistakes and understand that I’m learning as I go. And I care less and less about what other people think as time goes on. I find that it’s much easier to be authentic as I’ve gotten past the need to be something for someone else. This process has also made it possible for me to experience greater compassion for others.

The process can be difficult at times. Some of us will initially encounter a huge jumbled mass of conflicted feelings when we go inside. And it can be even worse for those of us who were subjected to emotional, physical or sexual abuse or other kinds of trauma. We tend to internalize much of the anger, aggression and critical voices of those who have violated us. We then direct much of that anger and criticism back at ourselves. There can also be a lot of shame and confusion mixed into all of that.

Sometimes we need the assistance of something greater than ourselves to heal the damaged parts of us and to build new models within that facilitate growth. I went through lots of vision quests and other practices over the years to facilitate the healing that needed to take place within myself.

We all hold feelings such as anger, rage, inadequacy, jealousy, envy, bitterness, resentment, fear and anxiety within ourselves. Many of us have difficulty accepting these feelings because they are not congruent with our self image. And we may wonder what others would think of us if they knew we were having these kinds of thoughts and feelings.

Many of us try to suppress the thoughts and feelings that we do not feel comfortable with. But anything we suppress gets pushed down inside of us. We disconnect from these parts of ourselves and in some instances end up fighting against them. We’re actually rejecting the parts of ourselves that do not measure up to certain values or expectations. And that’s the exact opposite of loving ourselves. All that conflicted energy and emotion begins to operate from our subconscious. These energies and emotions leak out in one way or another.

I have people go right into the middle of the darkness and toxicity that they hold in the middle of their abdomen. It can feel very uncomfortable in the beginning. But the body-mind’s own natural generative healing powers kick in as they continue to breathe into all the feelings and sensations. The toxicity begins to clear up and the person begins to reintegrate these parts of themselves. They start to become more grounded. Their intuition begins to awaken and sense of purpose becomes clearer.

Many of us need to come to a whole new understanding of what it means to love ourselves.

We cannot possibly love another person until we learn to truly love ourselves. That will never happen until we learn to be fully present with and accepting of all aspects of ourselves.

Honesty is crucial here and that means feeling what you truly feel. Allow your feelings to be as they are. Parts of us may be very wounded, petty or selfish. Our motivations may not always be pure. We may sometimes feel like doing things to hurt other people. But we can experience our feelings without acting upon them.

I still experience these kinds of feelings and probably always will. I’ve learned to contain what’s going on within me by allowing all the feelings and images play out. It can become a little entertaining after a while. I understand that parts of me are still wounded, but I just accept them for where they are at this time. And I continue to breathe softly and deeply as I focus my attention in the middle of whatever I’m feeling. The feelings digest, issues come to some kind of a resolution and I continue to go through a process of maturation.

Many of us desire to grow, evolve and be the best person we can be. But we cannot skip over the steps. And that’s why it’s so important for us to accept ourselves where we are at the moment.

©Copyright 2008 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved.　 This content may be copied in full, with copyright, contact, creation and information intact, without specific permission.