Fulfilling Our Life’s Purpose

Some of us are fortunate enough to come into this world with an innate sense of what we’re meant to do in life. We just have a knowing and we seem to find ourselves in the right places at the right times.

I felt a very strong connection to American Indians throughout my childhood and adolescence. I knew at the age of 14 that I wanted to learn from a traditional American Indian Doctor. I was living in Southeast Texas at the time and I couldn’t really talk with anyone about what I wanted to do, because I knew that no one else would understand.

I started saving money and making plans to leave for Arizona. I left at seventeen and made it as far as Oklahoma, where I landed in a community of Kiowa Indians. Within a few years, I began to apprentice with Horace Daukei, the last surviving traditional doctor among the Kiowa tribe.

I trained with Horace for three years. Horace was the most gifted healer I have ever encountered, but he didn’t really know how to deal with his own emotions and issues. Things started to become very chaotic as all those intense powers began to filter through Horace’s unresolved issues and emotions. Horace eventually became very destructive. I felt that I had no choice but to break contact and go off on my own.

I felt lost for sometime after things fell apart with Horace. I didn’t feel like I really knew what I was doing or that I possessed the power that was necessary to facilitate healing. I didn’t have any business skills or know how to market my services and I just barely survived during those first few years of my practice.

We take a huge risk whenever we decide to jump out of the nest and begin to work on our own. Our survival as a freelancer is dependent on what we do and how people respond to what we have to offer. Going out on our own puts us in situations where we are forced grow and develop many additional strengths and resources that we probably would have never developed otherwise.

All of the old Kiowa doctors except for Horace had already died out and people had stopped going to fast in the mountains. There wasn’t really anyone that I could look to for guidance. But I had a very strong feeling inside that I needed to go out into the mountains to fast like the Kiowa doctors did years ago. I was living in New Mexico by that time. I called up a friend that I hadn’t seen in years and asked him if he would help me with the logistics of getting to and from the mountain. My friend agreed, so I gathered the things I needed for the journey and headed to Oklahoma at the end of October.

The weather in Oklahoma can change rather abruptly. The wind shifted and began to blow from the north and then the temperature dropped down into the thirties. The sleeping bag that I brought with me was far from adequate. I froze my ass off during those four days and nights, but felt so strongly that I just needed to go through the process no matter what. I went back to the mountain again the next year. Twelve months was just too long of a wait for me, so I started going back to the mountain in both the spring and fall.

Going through the vision quest has really helped me to become deeply rooted in my body. I’m able to resolve issues and digest huge amounts of emotional baggage every time I go through the vision quest. I feel myself becoming clearer about what I need to be doing and I’ve continued to develop more of the internal resources that are enabling me to implement my vision. My work is becoming progressively more powerful and I’ve received additional healing gifts that are making it possible for me to address a wider range of issues.

I encounter so many people who are struggling to find a sense of purpose or direction in their own lives. Many find themselves working at whatever job they happen to fall into. They may have the advantages of a steady paycheck, paid vacation, health insurance and the ability to leave their work behind at the end of the day. But many derive no real sense of meaning or fulfillment from their work.

It’s very important for us to be doing something with our lives that does provides us with a sense of meaning and fulfillment. We need to find a way to do the things that we really love and enjoy. Some of us find it very difficult to access that sense of knowing that comes from within. We may have a sense of what it is that we want to do, but we just don’t know how to get from where we are to where we want to be.

Many of us find it very difficult to get a clear sense of purpose and directions in our lives because parts of us have either shut down or failed to ever develop. We’re just not able to get a clear signal. We often shut down in response to the losses, hurts and setbacks of our lives. Emotional, physical and sexual trauma can have a devastating impact upon our overall wellbeing. We shut down our feelings to block out the pain of what we have gone through, but that can cause us to disconnect from our internal guidance mechanism and the creative intelligence that flows from the depth of our being.

Some of us either learned or were forced to dissociate in order to cope with the pain that we endured in our childhoods. That may have prevented us from ever fully rooting into our bodies. Parts of us never fully developed our matured. Consequently, we may have never developed the resources that we need to successfully navigate this physical world that we live in.

There used to be a common practice of binding the feet of young girls in certain parts of Asia. Small feet were considered to be a sign of beauty and wealth within these cultures. Foot binding prevented a woman’s feet from developing properly as she grew into adulthood. The resulting physical deformation greatly impaired a woman’s ability to walk or function in the world.

Parts of our brain-mind or consciousness may not fully mature or develop properly because of the hurts, traumas, disappointments and setbacks and dysfunctional relational dynamics that we internalize. The powerful emotions evoked by these experiences, will to a large extent, determine how we think and feel about ourselves. The energies and emotions that we internalize create a powerful set of filters that determines how we perceive the world. They also have a tremendous bearing upon what we attract into our lives and how others respond to us.

Learning to be present is a daily act of willful determination. This process requires tremendous commitment and discipline. The things that we desire may not come easily, but it’s important for us to fully engage ourselves in whatever we desire to do. Becoming passionately engaged in what we’re doing will help us to ground our awareness into our bodies and this physical reality.

I rely upon the breathing practices to help me digest the backlog of charged emotion and that has helped to lighten the load considerably. Healing session and vision quests have helped me to heal the hurt and reformat parts of my brain-mind consciousness. That’s given me a lot of additional resources and capacities that are enabling me to do more of what I really need to do. From here I make a consistent daily effort to take constructive action to create the changes that I desire.

Many people are so resistant to their own feelings and emotions. Undigested feelings and emotions accumulate within the body. People then don’t want to be present within their own bodies because it feels so uncomfortable. But there’s no way that healing can ever take place until people learn to address their issues, digest their emotions and get back into their bodies.

Internalized conflicts, emotions and stresses can cause a lot of damage within the physical and subtle bodies. Parts of our body-mind shut down and that diminishes our level of self-awareness. The physical body may also begin to break down as a result. Many people possess so little self-awareness that they don’t even realize the extent to which they really do need help.

Stresses and unpleasant emotions tend to get stuck in our bodies. We need to digest everything that we go through in our lives. It’s important for us to breathe into the all the stresses, hurts and disappointments that we experience when things don’t seem to be going our way. Digesting the stress helps to renew our strength and reaffirm our vision.

I have also come to realize that I cannot digest everything on my own. I’ll get bodywork to move the stresses that are trapped within my body so that I can process them. Healing sessions and the vision quest have helped to dismantle the emotional triggers that have caused me to react or feel hurt. That’s helped me to become more accepting so that I can acknowledge what’s not working and then move on to what does work.

Many of us do have some sense of what we want to do with our lives, but we are totally at a loss as to what we can and need to be doing to create our vision within this material world. Parts of us may never fully mature and so we hold onto unrealistic expectations. We fail to understand that bringing our vision to fruition is a process that involves many steps. We may have become so conditioned to expect instant gratification, that we expect our dreams to instantly materialize and then we give up and become cynical when that doesn’t happen.

It’s so important for us to examine our goals and then determine what action we need to take to make that happen. We need to break the process down into manageable steps and then work steadily toward creating our vision.

I was totally at a loss as to what I needed to be doing when I began to work on my own. There was no manual, guide book or mentor to point the way. I had to figure things out for myself and the process involved a lot of trial and error. Many things I tried did not work. But I’m continually refining my approach. I’ll either modify my approach or do something different till I find what does work. I’ve become so much clearer about what I need to be doing. My biggest concern now is just making the best use of my time so that I can reach my goals.

Writing helps me to ground and clarify what I’ve learned. I began to write about various aspects of healing years ago. It’s important for me to write because I have a lot of insights and observations that need to be made available to the general public that will facilitate healing individually and collectively. But there have been times when I wasn’t satisfied with the quality of my writing or I didn’t feel that I had all the information that I needed. I would then set the writing down for periods of time.

Putting out a monthly internet journal gave me a new incentive to write. I needed to come up with a new article every month. I had been accumulating chapters for some time now and I felt that it was about time for me to publish a book. I started looking back over the old chapters to decide which ones I would include in the book. I felt horrified as I looked over the chapters that I had written over the past few years. I was thinking "This is horrible …I can’t publish that!!!" I began to make revisions and in some instances completely rewrite the old chapters. The new versions are much better because my understanding has deepened, the quality of my writing has improved over time and now I’m including exercises that people can work with.

We are all born with various aptitudes or gifts. Great writers, musicians, artists and healers all go through a process of evolution in their work. It’s important for us to work continually to refine our gifts.

Many of us are under a great deal of pressure to conform to expectations of others. Children need the love and acceptance of their parents. Our parents may have caused us to feel that we had to be our do something to earn their love and respect. We felt that we had to measure up to some arbitrary standard. We wanted our peers to like and approve of us as we continued to grow. That made us more susceptible to peer pressure.

I personally know of many instances in various parts of South Asia where adult children continue to comply with the expectations of their parents. Some go into a particular career field to please their parents. Others married someone who pleased their parents rather than the person that they truly desired to be with. I see the pain whenever I look into the hearts and minds of these individuals who have denied themselves in order to fulfill the narcissistic expectations and desires of their parents. Parts of mind often shut down whenever a person denies them self.

I faced similar pressures within my own family during the time that I was growing up. I would be living a lie had I complied with the expectations that were placed upon me. It’s critically important for each of us as individuals to understand that we are not placed here upon this Earth to do or be something for someone else. We are all individuals with our own unique needs, desires and purpose. It’s so important that we be true to ourselves by doing with our life what feels right deep inside of us.

I started making plans to leave and go live among the American Indian tribes at the age of fifteen. The thought of going out on my own was terrifying, but I knew deep inside that it was something I had to do. Fortunately I listened to my intuition. Otherwise I would have never had the opportunity to learn from my mentor or to do any of the other things I’ve done along the way.

Our fears can surface anytime that we try to go beyond our current set of limitations. The fearful parts of our mind will keep coming up with more and more excuses to prevent us from taking action. These fears may then grow out of proportion and that can leave us in a state of paralysis.

I do feel anxious and afraid at times, but I’ve learned to transform my fears into a source of motivation. My biggest fear is missing out or not getting what I want. The fear of missing out motivates me to take action. I just breathe into the fear and then proceed.

I read Black Elk Speaks and a number of Carlos Castaneda’s books as an adolescent. I remember at one point after I began my apprenticeship thinking to myself "…This is nothing like Castaneda". I went into my apprenticeship with the assumption that I would train with Horace, go through the vision quest, develop magical powers and then people would be lining up outside my door. My experiences over the years were nothing like anything that I would have ever imagined. That’s made me realize how important it is for each of us to let go of expectations.

A lot of things are not going to work the way that we expect them to. That doesn’t mean that it will not work at all, but it may be an indication that we may need to go back and modify our approach. We may also encounter tremendous resistance along the way. Then there are times when everything seems to go wrong and it can feel as if some external force were standing in our way. Many people allow that to deter them from ever attaining what they truly want in life. It’s important for us to embrace our lives as they are and find the determination within to deal with whatever is presented to us.

We can expect to encounter resistance along the way and there probably will be times when we experience confusion and uncertainty or feel like we’re are hitting a wall or that we are at the end of our rope. This is all a normal part of the journey.

The circumstances that we encounter as we strive to create what we desire can evoke all kinds of fears, insecurities and self doubts. These feelings will begin to dissipate as we breathe into them. Digesting our feelings will make it easier for us to deal with what is and to keep moving forward.

Our sense of competency expands with every skill that we master or task that we accomplish. We grow stronger and develop a presence that makes it possible for us to move through the world with greater ease. Our self esteem grows and we develop a faith and confidence in ourselves and our ability to do what needs to be done.

I usually do at least four hours of intensive daily practice. I’ve structured my life in such a way that allows me to do such intensive training. I’m sure that sounds like a lot to most people, but this is the kind of commitment that is required to achieve excellence. Olympic athletes, professional dancers, musicians and martial arts masters train up to eight hours a day. Many of you cannot afford to make such a large time commitment on a daily basis, but you can set aside at least thirty minutes to an hour.

I heard a quote years ago that says "Power told is power lost." We dissipate the power behind our vision when we tell too many people. Many people are so small minded anyway. They may not understand our vision and some will try to discourage us or prevent us from attaining the things that we truly desire. That’s why it’s so important for us to be very selective of those with whom we chose to share our vision. It’s very important for us to surround ourselves with people who are supportive of us. If possible, we need to seek out those who are accomplishing the things that we desire to achieve in our own lives.

We are all relational beings. Everything that we achieve in our lives involves some degree of cooperation with others individuals. It’s very important for us to ask for what we want. We need to be willing to accept the assistance of those who can further our cause and to show gratitude by giving back to those who have helped us. We may not always have the opportunity to return the favor to the same person, but we can help others in need that we encounter along the way.

Breathe softly and deeply as you focus you awareness on any feelings of desire that you have for what you really want to do. Your motivation will increase as the desire builds within you.

Ask yourself "…What is it that I truly want and need to do? …and what’s preventing me from doing what it takes to make it happen?" Close your eyes and pay attention to any feelings or sensations that emerge. Breathe into any fear, hesitation, feelings of inadequacy or anything else that feels like it’s standing in your way.

Hurts, losses and feelings of disappointments accumulate within the body and mind when they are not processed. These feelings will often surface as you breathe into your desires or work to attain what it is that you truly want. At other times you may feel like you are up against the wall or that you are at the end of your rope.

Breathe into any feelings of confusion, fear, insecurity, hesitation, self doubt or of being obstructed. Working with this practice can sometimes evoke some very unsettling feelings, but you will feel lighter and stronger as you continue to digest the feelings and impressions of past disappointments that create internal resistance.

This is not an exercise you do one time and then forget about. You will encounter further difficulties along the way. The practice I’m sharing here is meant to be done as an ongoing process. Continue to breathe into your fears or any other unpleasant feelings whenever they do surface and then take whatever action you feel is appropriate to achieve your goals.

Your mind acts like a search engine when you pose questions to it. Just be sure to ask questions that elicit a positive response. Ask yourself questions such as "What can I be doing right now to fulfill my purpose? …What steps do I need to be taking… Let go of the thought after you ask yourself the question and then go on about your day

The intestines may feel heavy and congested as you first begin to focus your attention within this part of your body. Breathing into the feelings and sensations will awaken the healing intelligence that resides within your own body and mind. You may begin to experience sensations of rumbling, churning, burning, pulsing and tingling. Follow these feelings and sensations as they go through their progression. Breathing into the feelings and sensations that you experience within the intestines will help to awaken your instinctual knowing. You will get a stronger feeling of whatever it is that you truly need to be doing.

Fulfilling your life’s purpose is about discovering what feels right on the inside and then following through with constructive action. Your feelings will help you to connect with your needs and desires. Actualizing your needs brings you into alignment with your purpose. You need to check in from time to time and ask yourself "…What is it that I truly desire? What are the things that give me the most enjoyment? When is it that I feel most alive?"

Is there some part of the world that you want to travel to or live? Is there some kind of work that you feel passionate about or experiences that you always wanted to have? Now ask yourself "…What steps can I take to make this happen? You then need to take any constructive action you feel is appropriate.

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