Eitan’s Vision Quest For centuries, American Indians have gone alone into the mountains to fast for four days and nights with without food or water to deepen their connection with the higher power. Many of these individuals developed remarkable gifts of healing or other kinds of siddhis as a result. My friend Eitan comes from a Jewish background and had spent much of his childhood and adolescence in Israel. He had never even been around American Indians. But he was intrigued as I described my experiences on the mountain and by the changes that he saw taking place within me. Eitan went on to do seven vision quests. He’s one of the few people I can share my experiences with who really understands. I gave Eitan a call to get his input while I was working on a chapter on the vision quest. The following excerpts came from our conversation. There’s a lot of stress that comes with living in this society because we often feel we need to be somewhere or doing something. Being on the mountain was a completely different experience. I wasn’t getting all the usual external input from television, reading material or from listening to other people and that created a vacuum. And I wasn’t bombarded with all this other information or people’s thoughts or preoccupied with other external input. I didn’t have all that psychic clutter. I was dealing with a break up and was between places to live when I first went to the mountain. And I was experiencing a lot of grief and a sense of loss pertaining to what was happening in my life. I had so much emotional crap jammed up inside of me and I went through a tremendous purging during the time I was on the mountain. All kinds of thoughts and emotion came pouring out of me. So many feelings and past experiences came boiling up. And it really amazed me just how much negative thought and feeling I was carrying inside. I had a lot of anxiety and fear about my life and about what to do. All these thoughts and feelings became visibly apparent to me. And my mind was just spewing that stuff out. But that lessened by degrees each time I went back to the mountain to fast again. It was very rough to get through all the things I had held within me at that time. But the pain and suffering is valuable and it let me know that I was moving …that I was processing through stuff. I recognized that healing isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. It’s our life process to become stronger, healthier and become more integrated. And I’m all the better for having gone through it and would do it again in a heartbeat. I’m living here in society, not getting outdoors, and then I’m working and going to school. Going through the vision quest gave me a real profound sense of reconnecting with nature. I went through some suffering being hungry and thirsty and there were moments of fear and panic. But I really felt comfortable once that settled down. I also felt that I have a place in and belong to the natural world. That helped me get over any fear and it gave me the strength and courage to go through with the process. Eventually a lot of joy came bubbling up. And I felt really welcome and comfortable with the experience after that. Aside from one incident, I never felt that I was in any danger. I did feel a sense of welcome from the first time I arrived on the mountain. Various issues, fears and anxieties surfaced during the process, but that was all my own projection and had nothing to do with the environment. I heard drumming and chanting that first night and I climbed out of my sleeping bag to get up and look around, but I saw no one. Still I had the sense that something was going on and it almost felt like someone was having a welcome party for me. There were difficulties that came from being without food or water, but I really felt very peaceful and at ease while I was on the mountain. I experienced a sense of safety and belonging. I still get this home sick feeling when I think about being up there. I had one really frightening experience. I had just reached the top of the mountain and was setting my stuff down when I heard the sound of a rattle snake. I turned around to look and saw the snake coiled up on the ledge behind me. The snake suddenly lunged at me and I was sure that it would bite me, but the snake appeared to stiffen and it seemed as if some force snapped it out of my path. Obviously something was protecting me. I was really terrified at that moment and immediately started to panic. I ran and then I started to hyperventilate, but then I felt a sense of reassurance that let me know that everything was going to be okay …that it would all work out and that I should continue with the fast. I had my ego, armor and emotional resistance as I went to the mountain. I didn’t know what was going to happen or if I could handle it. But I always felt a sense of calm, peace, wellbeing and strength. Sometimes it seemed as if I could hear people speaking. And one time I heard someone praying and walking close to my sleeping bag, but I was too scared to look that time. I could definitely sense other beings working with me. They only gave me as much as I could handle. There were times when I felt the presence of these beings after I came down from the mountain. My sense of time was gone while I was on the mountain. I knew I didn’t have to be anywhere so I could let go. I felt more connected to the land. And I had no sense of time passing other than the movement of the sun and moon and that gave me a sense of myself. I began to feel more integrated and felt really good about myself. Parts of the experience were very transcendent I had moments of experiencing a sense of an integrated self that wasn’t based on what society was telling me or the feedback that I received from other people. It’s very hard to describe, but I felt a stripped down sense of being that transcended the ego …it’s very profound. I woke up in the middle of the night after my second time on the mountain. I felt like I was suffocating and had to stand up because I couldn’t breathe. I went to a doctor and he gave me an inhaler. The asthma and allergies that I had struggled with for most of my life have now abated. And I’ve never had another reoccurrence of asthma since that time. Somehow I worked through or healed whatever was causing that. I’ve struggled for most of my life to get a sense of what I’m meant to do with my life. I had a tendency to hold back and not take chances. There was a lot of old pain that I didn’t even know how to process. Parts of me were really shut down and I didn’t even know a lot of that pain was there. I did a number of healing sessions with Ben in the months between my journeys to the mountain. The combination of the vision quests and healing sessions helped me to get a clearer sense of what I want to do. The process has taken time, but I’ve been able to get in touch with and develop parts of myself and that gave me an impetus and confidence that carries me forward. Parts of me began to emerge and became more alive. That’s given me the resources or abilities to go out and do the things I need to get done. I’ve become more resilient and I have a greater ability to deal with adversity. I still struggle with some of these pains and traumas, but I have a greater capacity to process things that had previously seemed too overwhelming or anxiety provoking. I’m more willing to look for the things that I had tended to run from or avoid in the past. I find that I’m better able to handle whatever comes up. I have more internal resources now. I have a greater range of feeling and much more clarity with my emotions …I’m not just feeling the emotions …but I have a sense of what they are. I can be more responsible with my feelings and behavior and negativity tends to dissipate more quickly.
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